The cold white ceiling. I see it ever day. It is the only thing I know to be true. Everything else, all the people coming and going, the so called family, all the doctors and nurses, pumping their supposed medicines into my body. As far as I am concerned, none of those things are real, none of those things matter. Even time and space have left my thoughts. I don't know, nor care, when or wear I am. All that matters, is myself, and the slightly textured off white surface that my eyes rest upon day in and day out.

People, they sit next to me, acting like they care. Acting like they are the sad ones, as if they are the ones that are losing something. They call my name. I ignore. They grasp my hand, I remain still. they kiss my forehead, and I respond with coldness. They think that I am out of it, and that I would want to respond if I could. In reality they are meaningless to me, save for when they stand near the light by the side of my bed, which casts a shadow upon my sweat concubine above.

Never till now, have I realized how alone we really are. We can surround ourselves with many people, people that we love and treasure, but they are entirely different people and can never truly share your fears, loves, or thoughts. No matter how close someone is, they are still very very far away. When I first made this revelation, it was gripping. I wished for death, for anything seemed a sweet paradise compared to the thought of truly being alone. Now however, I an infatuated with it. I no longer need other people. I just need me, and my ceiling. They could all be brutally murdered or tortured or torn apart, and I would no longer care. They could all abandon me, leave me to rot alone, and it would not bother me. They will go on, pretending that we are not alone, like people do all the time. It is such a shame that I did not realize this till now, now, as I am laying in my death bed. Lifelessness slowly creeping up on me.

I just hope they have ceilings wherever it is we go after death.

This won joint first place in the May 2009 writing contest.

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