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PostPosted: 06 Jan 2012, 16:34 
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While I agree that I wouldn't place this one at the top in terms of quality, I certainly wouldn't class it as bad by any means. I particularly liked the gradual descent through the 'choruses'. I know you haven't labelled them as such, but their near-repetition gives the impression that that's the function they serve, and the fact that they are almost the same each time makes the slow downward spiral in the singer's condition even more striking.



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PostPosted: 09 Jan 2012, 01:37 
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This is a short poem I wrote just now. I wanted to make a song out of it but I couldn't write anything around these lines that would really do them justice, so I'm leaving them as they are.

"Cosmic Divine"

shooting star, falling far, I call out, wondering where you are
grant my wishes, grant my dreams, bask me in your astral streams
send me a sign, make it shine, I pray you'll guide me down the line
the stars align, is now my time? to feel the warmth of the cosmic divine

__

Might find some way to work bits of that into a song later. I don't know why, I just still can't form a cohesive song. Normally I'd just take a break and stop trying but I keep having ideas for stuff to write about, and then I just fail to carry those ideas past the planning stage.


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PostPosted: 09 Jan 2012, 12:50 
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No harm in writing snippets of things as they come to you. Once you have them recorded you may find they'll be able to form the basis of something longer at some point in the future.

And I think this little verse has turned out quite well. It flows nicely and makes good sense.



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PostPosted: 09 Jan 2012, 15:31 
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I've got a Notepad file that's starting to fill up with snippets that I don't want to forget should I ever be able to use them. Maybe eventually I'll have enough to make an entire song. XD


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PostPosted: 11 Jan 2012, 02:46 
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So, I decided for no particular reason to write a song about 2012, and the end of the world, and all that shit.

"2012" (for lack of anything better to call it at the moment)

they say the end's coming soon and they fear it
mother earth calls for our death, can ya hear it?
16:6, we'll be drinkin' the blood of the saints
while the heavens cover us in a fresher coat of paint

[chorus:
2012, it's the end of all human life
2000 years ago we were sentenced to die
2012, the earth lies ripped and torn
2000 years later and the earth is reborn]

tidal wave's comin', just around the bend
hear the four horsemen ringing in humanity's end
stars drop from the sky it's hell on earth
all in the name of our dear mother's rebirth

[chorus]

flushed away, drift away, predictions of our hell to pay
judgement day, end of days, call our doom what you may
look up high, ask God why, there's no answer from the sky
run and hide, you're sure to die, prolonged existence is denied

face the facts, the human race is done
looking back, yeah, we had a good run
if another life form comes to take our place
here's a tip, in 2000 years head for space

[closing chorus:
2012, the year we were sentenced to die
2000 years later fire rained from the sky
2012, the earth's cleansed and reborn
2000 years of history lay tattered and torn]

__

I'd just like to point out that I don't believe in the "prophecy" of the end of the world in 2012, but it DOES make a good basis for writing.


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PostPosted: 11 Jan 2012, 19:49 
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It certainly gives you plenty of material to play with (just as the supposed Rapture did for a thread on the Comm :lol:). I particularly liked the central chorus in this one.



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PostPosted: 12 Jan 2012, 21:10 
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I'm not sure how commonplace it is for an artist to write a parody of one of his or her own songs, but I've gone and done just that. I've rewritten 2012 to match my true feelings on the subject, which makes it sort of a parody of that song and of the notion of the end of the world in general.

"Farewell, 2012"

they say the end's coming soon, that's some bullshit
paranoia on their breath, who the hell are they foolin'?
listen ya fools, it's not a prophecy, Revelations this ain't
if you're looking toward the end you've got a lifetime to wait

[chorus:
2012, the year we're all supposed to die
2000 years and we're still livin' under the sky
2012, why ain't the earth been reborn?
2000 years later and we still ain't forlorn]

tidal wave's comin', or at least you pretend
the four horsemen are still awaiting the call of the end
stars hang in the sky looking down on the earth
they smile upon humanity and all that we're worth

[chorus]

flushed away, drift away, your prophecy goes down the drain
judgement day, end of days, why's it so heavy on your brain?
look up high, ask God why, why hasn't he sentenced us to die
you run and hide, I proudly fly, into 2013 and beyond the sky

face the facts, the human race isn't dying
so cut out all your fear tactics and lying
we'll be here forever if our fate allows it
if you don't like it get the fuck off our planet

[closing chorus:
2012, your false prediction's a lie
2000 years later and we're all still alive
2012, off the calendar it's torn
2000 and thirteen, another year is born]


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PostPosted: 13 Jan 2012, 18:32 
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What a great idea! :D It's nice that you've posted this directly after the original: it means I can read them in parallel quite conveniently.

I didn't feel the first verse flowed as smoothly as predecessor, but the others all worked well, and I think you made a nice job of twisting the original words. :)



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PostPosted: 16 Jan 2012, 21:36 
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I have two songs to post, both Skyrim related, and both rather silly.

This first one is about my weapon in the game, a Daedric mace, and I seem to spend most of my time killing Draugr, so I've nicknamed it the Draugr Knocker.

"Draugr Knocker"

wandering through the darkest crypts
with a nightmarish weapon at my hip
with a crashing sound, the living dead cast down
you'd better watch out, I ain't fuckin' around

[chorus:
blood splattered upon my face
and dripping from my hellish mace
yes it's Daedric, from Oblivion
the Draugr Knocker is number one]

the battle's over before you can start
coursing evil from a Daedra's heart
upside your head, your life source bled
my weapon rests not until you're dead, again

[chorus]

more walking corpses in need of addressing
released from undeath by a Daedric blessing
the zombie stalker, he ain't much of a talker
he speaks more clearly through the Draugr Knocker

[chorus]

_____

Clearly, I had a little fun with that one. :D This next one is a parody of "Shout at the Devil" by Motley Crue. I'm not sure what I want to call it though...I'm either going to just go straight at it and call it "Shout at the Dragons" or I'm going to go with "Unrelenting Force at the Devil" which I'm only not set on because it doesn't mention dragons, but...dragons are evil, and the devil is evil, so it might work. Either way, here it is:

he's the Dragonborn shouting in the middle of the night
and he's Whiterun's favorite Thane
with a fire in his eyes, he's telling you no lies
he'll put the dragons back in their place
leaving none of them alive, bring the dragons down to die
to bring peace to all those around
in Skyrim's worst winter, he'll stand and deliver
he's strong, he's brave and...

shouts, shouts, shouts, shouts at the dragons [x2]

determination in his eyes, he's as strong as he's wise
he'll end this bloody civil war
he'll overcome every test, 'cause he's the motherfucking best
he's a hero, a saint and more
he'll delve into the abyss, spurn the Night Mother's kiss
and bring evil down to the floor
in Skyrim's worst winter, he'll stand and deliver
he's strong, he's brave and...

shouts, shouts, shouts, shouts at the dragons [x2, solo, then repeat 'til fade]


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PostPosted: 17 Jan 2012, 17:14 
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The first one of those is fun, but I'm most impressed by the second one. I checked out the lyrics of Shout at the Devil, and I see you've managed to reflect, but twist, the original rather nicely in quite a lot of the lines, and the wording and rhymes you've used have a nice ring to them. Nicely done. :)



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PostPosted: 21 Jan 2012, 03:33 
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This next writing is a bit...dark, for lack of a more precise word, but it has a rather poignant underlying message. Instead of a song or a poem, as I've come to format all my writings in, this one is somewhat of a short monologue delivered within the thoughts of a dying man. The thing is, the man in question is committing suicide, and his thoughts form the basis of my feelings on suicide, which I'll explain afterwards.

__

I don't know when I gave up. I don't even remember saying "I've had enough." And yet, here I am, lying on the floor waiting for the last drop of blood to exit my veins, the veins I opened by my own accord. The knife I used seemed to say "it's alright, I won't judge." But now I hear it laughing at me. Lauging at my demise like a child finds delight in crushing an insect. I ask God why, why he has let it come to this point, but he does not respond. Somehow, I can feel him looking down upon me with remorse, and perhaps pity, as if he had a place reserved for me in heaven that will never be filled. It seems only one has the answer as to how this has transpired, and yet I am too afraid to seek guidance from him. Perhaps my fear has given way to these events, my fear of seeking help from others. But what others were there to give aid? No one cared. No one listened. As I think about the ones I'm leaving behind, I feel that I'll miss them much more than they'll miss me. Some may even find relief in my decay, for the torment I've suffered them in the past. But none of that matters anymore. I've found my exit from life, from all the hardships, from all the people that kept me from achieving my goals. I realized if I could not move forward in life, the only option was to move forward from life. Where I could never control my life, I've found that I can control my death. These revelations pointed me in a direction I'd never considered traveling, as a nagging feeling deep within told me "you'll lose your way if you take that road." But I'd had enough of being strong and pushing down the same road day by day. But this brings me full circle as I being to try to recollect just why I'd wandered down that desolate road. Time was drawing short, as my eyes could no longer find the strength to remain open. Resolute in my desire to know the truth, I faced my fear and asked the one who knew when and where I'd made a wrong turn. I turned my thoughts inward, just as everything I'd come to know in those final moments faded unto nothingness. And I asked upon myself - why?

There was no answer.

__

So, yeah, definitely a change from my usual writings. Anyway, to give some insight as to what I said about this being my feelings, I'll start from the beginning. When he says "I don't know when I gave up" it's my belief that people who commit suicide do so because they've given up on life. The part about the knife telling him it's okay, and then laughing at him, is doubt. First, the man doubts that he can go through with the act, and then after he does, he doubts that it was the solution he desired. He asks God why, and notes that he is afraid to ask himself. That's pretty self explanatory, but I feel like people who kill themselves sometimes want someone else to blame it on. That follows into him talking about the people in his life, whom he believed did not care for him, as such these are others he could blame his demise on. Having been reminded of his misdirected anger towards his friends and family, he reassures himself that this "escape" was necessary, even though he still remembers a time when he would not let himself give in to the things that eventually led him to his death. The final moment of clarity comes when he realizes that he's back where he started, again wondering why, indeed, he did give up hope. He attempts to face his fear, and asks himself in his final seconds why he has done this. And the last line states "there is no answer" because, in my eyes, there is no valid reason for anyone to end their own life.


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PostPosted: 22 Jan 2012, 03:34 
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On top of that I've got a couple more things that are a bit...emotional.

This first one is about self-doubt.

__

"They're All Gonna Laugh at You"

she's so beautiful, she could be mine
an angel I see, she's so divine
I gaze upon her to catch her eyes
I can win her over if I try
as I approach her I come to a pause
how could she see past all my flaws?
I've waited this moment for so long
but something inside me says I'm wrong

a voice from within interferes
uncertainty is all that I hear
"you've got no chance, you're bound to lose
'cause they're all gonna laugh at you"
now reduced to shedding tears
I cannot fight nor face my fears
merging self-doubt with the truth
"because they're all gonna laugh at you"

I'll find true love, it just takes time
it's waiting somewhere down the line
this empty feeling cannot last forever
the chains of my past will soon be severed
as I stride forth into another day
I feel the resurgance of my own decay
I tell myself that it'll be alright
as my hopes and dreams fade from the light

a voice from within interferes
as I choke back the coming tears
"you've got no chance, you're bound to lose
'cause they're all gonna laugh at you"
suffering through my remaining years
I cannot fight nor face my fears
once the king, but now the fool
"because they're all gonna laugh at you"

whenever I feel in control of life
the voice returns bearing a knife
I try to shake off all the lies
always one step closer to demise
I cannot find the truth I seek
the voice inside renders me weak
a self-inflicted mental attack
as everyone laughs behind my back

I cannot fight nor face my fears
a voice louder than grinding gears
the only sound that comes in clear
is the uncertainty that interferes
suffering through all my years
all my days now end in tears
I accept his words now as the truth
"because they're all gonna laugh at you"


__

And this one is about loss of love.

"Internal Bleeding"

I'd trade it all for another day with you
to show you that my love was true
from this nightmare I'm still reeling
wake up dead to stop the screaming

I pretended that I didn't care
that I could live without you there
until it all began to fall apart
now I'm bleeding from the heart

I'd give it all to have your love
this I pray to God above
as I lay me down to sleep
the pain begins to cut too deep

[chorus:
to go back in time seems so appealing
the only way to start the healing
from this nightmare I'm still reeling
as Death prepares my soul for stealing
when I see you near I must be dreaming
wake up dead to stop the screaming
loss of conciousness and feeling
cause of death: internal bleeding]

in regret I dimly wallow
there'll be no sunshine come tomorrow
sudden failure of the heart
only you can press restart

I'd trade it all for another day
to convince you not to walk away
now I sit here counting scars
fighting an endless mental war

[chorus]

I'd give it all for another chance
to take you home for another dance
I sink into an early grave
from which only you can save me

[chorus]

__

I'll be honest, they're both kinda personal. Specifically the second one, which deals with the fact that I'm still reeling over my wife leaving me about a year ago.


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PostPosted: 22 Jan 2012, 10:23 
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I suspected as I read those last two that they were probably inspired by personal experience - the feelings you were describing sounded very real. I personally could relate strongly to "They're All Gonna Laugh at You". Self doubt is something I've struggled with for much of my life and, while I don't recall any situation where I feared literally being laughed at, the fear of making a fool of myself, or the fear of rejection, have been constant companions that have often made me very inhibited.

I liked your piece on suicide very much, if "like" can be considered a suitable term in such a context. I thought it was very powerful and, from what I know from a couple of acquaintances who did reach the point of considering suicide, at least some of the thoughts you expressed there were very accurate, most especially the notion that no-one cared. But I'm very glad you had your character expressing doubts about the decision he'd made, rather than embracing death gladly. Unless someone is suffering a terminal illness with no quality of life and no chance of it ever being improved, I likewise don't think suicide could ever be seen as a valid course of action. I recognise that mental illness or catastrophic life events might leave a person believing that suicide is the only release from their torment, but I believe that with the right help there is always a way out. It's said that the majority of suicide attempts are really a cry for help rather than a true desire to die; I wonder how many suicide victims do go through exactly the kinds of doubts and regrets that you expressed, as they're dying.



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PostPosted: 22 Jan 2012, 18:43 
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I'm glad you "liked" it. XD I may do more things that aren't songs or poems in the future, but I'm not sure. That was just a test to see if I could.

Now that I've channeled some of my negative emotions out in songs, I can get back to the fun stuff, starting with this - another song about how awesome heavy metal is. I've referenced a lot of songs and albums, so instead of trying to give credit where it's due on every single one, I've just capitalized everything that comes from a song, album, or band name as my way of saying that the words I'm using aren't mine. Even the title is the same as a Helloween song.

"Heavy Metal is the Law"

the lights go on, the stage is set
I'm ready to ignite, my fingers on the frets
Resound the Anthem, We Are the Fire
a Heavy Metal Powered Man achieving his desire

twenty four seven in a rock 'n' roll heaven
turn the dial, set it up to eleven
Somewhere in Time, a Demon in Your Mind
we'll take you on another Bullet Ride

[chorus:
ride the Thunderball, we're Live in the Raw
'cause Heavy Metal is the Law
Freedom Call, And Justice for All
'cause Heavy Metal is the Law]

we're here to stay, we're here for you
we'll never stop even When All Hell Breaks Loose
we got what you want, got what you need
we're sorry if you think its a Violation of Morality

Where the Light has Failed, we shall prevail
we'll Ride the Lighting off the rails
we'll play it loud, and we'll play it proud
the True Sound of the Underground

[chorus]

[bridge:
detractors everywhere, Motherfucker, I Don't Care
I Chose the Sky, Where Eagles Dare
I Want Out, Far From the Maddening Crowd
I've become the Enemy Unbound
I won't repent, Devilish Enlightenment
I was born Of Ash and Torment
Decimate the Weak, Let the Demons Free
I'm the Master of Insanity]

you say we're wrong, we're The Threat
we'll warn you now, The Persecuted Won't Forget
we're an infection, we need correction
turn around and face The Infernal Resurrection

so join our metal feast, or drop by at least
we just might play The Number of the Beast
you know The Mob Rules, ignore the King of Fools
if you're against us, taste my family jewels

[chorus]

__

If you were wondering, the bridge was meant to just be a big ol' orgy of references. XD


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PostPosted: 23 Jan 2012, 18:00 
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Very nicely put together! So many references! And yet you've managed to make a coherent whole out of them all. I like it very much. :)



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PostPosted: 25 Jan 2012, 23:22 
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Rage song is rageful. And sweary.

And rageful is totally a word now. I'm copyrighting it. Unless it turns out it's already a word. In which case, all rights are property of their respective owners, used without permission. So suck on that.

Anyway, yeah. This is just a song for venting.

"Fuck You"

hey you! who the fuck are you
to tell me what to be
hey you! who the fuck are you
to tell me how to see
things that I have seen already clear
but your voice is the only thing I hear
I feel that the breaking point is near
so the next time that you open your mouth
I'm gonna take your words and shove 'em right back down
I'll never see the world the way that you do
so the only thing that's left for me to say to you is

[chorus:
fuck you! this is my violent release
straying from your path, a new world disease
fuck you! I don't give a damn
about your ways and beliefs, I am who I am
fuck everything you say, and everything you do
fuck your moral values and again: fuck you!]

hey you! who do you think you are
to to push me left and right
hey you! who do you think you are
to push me towards the light
of your heaven, no, they won't let me in
do you really think they'll forgive my sin?
gambling with my soul and the devil's set to win
so the next time that you have something to say
just keep it to yourself and get the fuck away
if you really think your words are getting through
then the only thing that's left for me to say to you is

[chorus]

[bridge:
think you're the victim of misguided anger?
to me you're just a total fucking stranger
who thinks that they can see through me
to shape my form, and tell me who to be
I seek truth within, in myself I confide
answer to myself, all others I'll deride
in my own mind I'm cool, calm and collected
through your eyes, my way of life's rejected
so stop wasting my time, trying to preach
I vow to keep myself just out of your reach
if you can't understand the preceding truth
I'll sum it up in two simple words: fuck you!]

hey you! now maybe you'll see
I'll never ever be what you want from me
hey you! fuck you and then some
do yourself favor and quit wagging your tongue
this is my violent release, I'm purging your disease
'cause I don't give a damn about your ways and beliefs
fuck you! is it so hard to figure out?
if you don't like my attitude then shut your fucking mouth!

___

I'd imagine it's apparent at this point (moreso in this thread than the forums in general) but I like to say "fuck" a lot. Or maybe I don't like it, but I do it a lot, so that must mean something. XD


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PostPosted: 28 Jan 2012, 11:21 
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I think you'll find there are a lot of people who would totally agree with your sentiment there. I presume it's inspired by real-life experiences?

I also think it's worked out well as a song. It flows well, and your writing has given it a nice rhythm.



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PostPosted: 30 Jan 2012, 01:35 
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Haha, now it's my turn to not see YOUR new post. XD I didn't realize you'd responded until I came to post something else. It's somewhat inspired by real-life experiences, but nothing in particular. Just dealing with assholes and such in general.

This one deals with the fact that I need to forget about my past and move forward in life, but I'm having trouble doing so...and I don't know who else can help me except God, so I guess this is kinda my way of asking Him for help since I've never been good at asking anyone for anything. That and in order to "release my demons" it helps to express my emotions in some form.
___

"Release My Demons"

every day I wake up closer to the noose
the screws in my head are coming loose
I can't hold it together, soon lost forever
the ties to my past must all be severed

oh God release my demons
give me a sense of reason
to face the coming seasons
dear God erase my demons

it's falling apart, no one hears my cries
I search for the answer within the skies
I can't face it alone, so I must atone
I need Your help to heal these weary bones

oh God release my demons
I stand accused of treason
against my better judgement
dear God erase my torment
oh God release my demons
lost in the turning seasons
no sense of rhyme or reason
please God erase my demons

my life only seems to worsen day by day
no other options but to kneel and pray
self-inflicted damnation, I seek salvation
place me on the path to my restoration

oh God release my demons
give me a sense of reason
light my path upon this road
to a place I can call home
please God erase this feeling
give me a sense of meaning
guide me through the coming seasons
dear God release my demons


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PostPosted: 04 Feb 2012, 23:15 
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Mmkay, surely we've all seen songs that seem to exist seemingly just to be as silly as they can be. This is one of those songs. Because it's about a goth/emo secret agent. >_>

"Double-O Freak Show"

gonna tell you a story, about a man named Dave
the kind of guy you'd find down at the nearest rave
got a scar on his cheek he hides behind his bangs
but if you ask how he got it, he'll say it ain't no thang

now you might call him a goth
but he'll say it's society's fault
you may look at him and say he's strange
but he'll just look at you and say:

[chorus:
if I tell ya baby I'll have to kill ya
so you don't wanna know
a vow of silence, guns and violence
he's a double-o freak show]

he looks so lonely by himself there on the street
but he's on a secret mission, orders from the queen
he'll shoot you down if you choose the wrong side
then he'll hop in his Porsche, and turn up some AFI

movin' on, from town to town
but he's always ready to get down
he'll love and leave ya the very next day
and if you ask him why, you'll hear him say:

[chorus]


he hunts down the bad guys, puts 'em in the mud
and he just laughs at the sight of his red, red blood
and he's always got time for one more dance
so you better let him in and put on your best trance

you can call him weird, or call him emo
but goddamn he looks good in that tuxedo
he ain't much for talkin' so just go away
if you ask him too much you'll hear him say:

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 05 Feb 2012, 18:18 
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That last one is rather fun. :)

And I do apologise for once again not realising you'd posted. I came to comment on this one and discovered there was also "Release my Demons" from 6 days ago! I'd like to be able to hear that one as a song. The emotional impact of it was increased by knowing it was a response to your own inner demons, but music can be such a powerful expression of feelings that I reckon with the right setting this one could be very intense (my taste in music is always for pieces that elicit a strong emotional response). In terms of the structure I particularly liked the way you created a pattern with the use of "release" and "erase", but switched it around in the last verse so that "erase" turned up right in the middle with "feelings" instead of at the end with "demons". To me that really highlighted that particular line and made it a lot more personal because you applied it to something very much internal to you, rather than to an external entity, namely the demons. This song also impressed me because it's a prayer. As I'm sure you know, I'm a Christian, so prayer is very familiar to me. This prayer, by its sheer intensity, comes across as far more heartfelt and honest than most of the rather lacklustre prayers so often uttered publicly in church.



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PostPosted: 16 Feb 2012, 01:15 
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I've been fighting with writer's block again, first I tried to write a song in a similar vein to Release My Demons, then I tried to write a song about how I feel at work, but I couldn't finish either one, so I finally said "screw it" and just jotted things down as they came to me, which eventually led into another insanity-themed song. The title refers to the notion of a split personality (Clark Kent and Superman are different personalities) but in this case one of the personalities is "normal" and the other leans towards being completely insane. Also, "Bad Guys Wear Black" is the name of a song by Primal Fear, which is completely unrelated, but that's where I got the line from.

"Deranged Superman"

hey hey motherfuckers, what's new, what's up?
you know what? scratch that, I really don't give a fuck
I'm back with a vengeance, so start up your engines
take a candle to the fuse and we might just singe this
that's right, let's burn this fucker to the ground
this town's comin' down, we'll spread the panic around
now listen to the screams, what a bittersweet sound
this kind of fun, it shouldn't be legally allowed

[chorus:
I don't know where I am and I really don't care
there's a face in the mirror with a quizzical stare
I don't know who I am, and I don't give a damn
my personality is split like a deranged Superman]

now don't try to understand all the thing's I'm sayin'
'cause it's too damn late to join the game I'm playin'
I got cracks in my brain, fluids startin' to drain
wash you all away in my torrential rhyme rain
the train, it's comin' right up off of the tracks
the pain, is what I feel if I try to turn and look back
so I move forward on my march, and prepare to attack
take you all in the night 'cause bad guys wear black

[chorus]

so what, you're still here to see if this makes any sense?
I forgot to tell ya, I left it on the other side of the fence
the damage done is takin' over, no luck from my clover
my insanity attacked when they dug it up with a bulldozer
I guess it's alright, I think I'm startin' to adjust
say I should be locked up? well then do it if you must
until such time I'm deemed fit to set foot in the dust
I'll keep myself occupied with these rhymes that I bust


[chorus]


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PostPosted: 16 Feb 2012, 19:27 
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Dino

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He certainly sounds pretty deranged. :lol:

I rather liked the acknowledgement of his own insanity in the final verse, and I thought the flurry of -ain rhymes in the second verse made a nice impression. I was just thinking it might have been rather effective if you'd managed the same pattern, but with other rhymes, in the other two verses (though I can imagine finding words with enough different rhymes, that also makes sense in the context, for three verses would probably be a rather large task).



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PostPosted: 01 Mar 2012, 04:20 
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This next song touches on various themes, mainly not giving in to the will/demands of people who think they're better than you, moving on from the past, and having faith that God gives second chances to those who lost their way before. The title is a reference to the Metal Church song Breathe Again.

"Free Again, Breathe Again"

you thought you could throw me out like trash
just because I refused to kiss your ass
and they say that nice guys finish last
that's why the race is over way too fast

[pre-chorus:
in life's game I'm dealt a hand
win or lose, I'll take my stand
I'll never be what you perceive
a gift from God, mine to recieve]

[chorus:
crashing in through the door
here I am, coming back for more
though I once was down and out
now I can see what life's about
so as the world keeps turnin'
I'll avert eternal burnin'
I've solidified my stance
I won't waste my second chance]

shocking visions of the near future
where you play the almighty executor
in order to reclaim my own tomorrow
I must fill this shell, once hollow

[pre chorus and chorus]

no longer will I sit by idly waiting
while your sense of self's inflating
I'll find my own path, up to the top
and I'll keep marching 'til He says "stop"

[pre chorus and chorus]

I played the hand that I was dealt
tired of never knowing just how I felt
the devil misled me with a song and dance
now I'm free, I've earned a second chance

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 04 Mar 2012, 16:30 
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I like that one a lot. It gives a very positive message, and, as with many of your songs, there's some very nice use of rhyme or half rhyme. I particularly liked
"shocking visions of the near future
where you play the almighty executor".



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PostPosted: 11 Mar 2012, 00:18 
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That line was a bit difficult because I needed something that showed I'd looked into my future and saw it ruled by someone that had no place in it. I'm not sure if I got that across very well, but the line was basically supposed to say that I saw someone else controlling my life in the future. It took me a few minutes to come up with a rhyme for future, and even then I had to make sure it was a word, because I was like "I'm probably thinking "executioner" and executor probably isn't even a word." But it was, so that worked out great. XD

Anyhow, this next one started out as a rage song and then turned into something else. It's still in line with my other rage songs in a sense, but it almost comes off as tongue-in-cheek after the first couple of verses. Or maybe it's just me. Either way...

"Death for Rent"

my life has been turned to a bloody page
my hatred's boiling to the point of rage
time to free the beast and set the stage
and let my demons fly free from their cage

every one of you makes me feel so hated
the urge to take a life can't be overstated
now I know my bloodlust can't be satiated
death's for rent 'cause your life's overrated

[chorus:
I'm violent, it's evident
setting a genocidal precedent
malevolent, to some extent
I know it's wrong but I won't repent
my descent, frustration is vent
I'd show mercy if I knew where it went
it's not a stint, 'cause death's for rent
paid in full when my anger's spent]

he came to me with a proposition
I said I was going through a transition
he said he'd help me on one condition
that I help spread his macabre tradition

I'm workin' 9 to 5 with Death on my payroll
homicidal tendencies spun out of control
another kill at the sound of the bell's toll
'til the money dries up I'm makin' heads roll

[chorus]

you say there must be a much better solution
but I can't hear you through my own delusion
I'm feeling generous, lost in my confusion
so I'm giving out free head contusions

now the cash is gone, but I'm not done killin'
as Death says goodbye to his favorite villian
I say I'll strike a deal with him if he's willin'
I'd do anything just to keep the blood spillin'

[chorus]


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