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PostPosted: 17 Mar 2012, 22:40 
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This was something I thought up just now, for kicks and giggles.

"Rhymes With Luck"

I got a word for you, it's the worst of words
it starts with a f and ends with a curse
it's one reason that the FCC exists
it's on every mother's no-no list

but I like to say it anyway, just for fun
you can't stop me now, what's done is done
I got a word for you and it rhymes with luck
and that word my friends, it goes like...

duck for cover when you hear me say it
your producers will make you overlay it
with a bleep or worse, a blaring sound
seal it away where it can't be found

but I like to say it anyway, because I can
I'm it's self-proclaimed biggest fan
I got a word for you and it rhymes with luck
and that word my friends, it goes like...

stuck in the 1950's where it wasn't cool
for kids to say bad words at home or school
now you see everywhere on the internet
if you think that's bad you ain't seen nothin' yet

'cause I like to say it anyway here or there
I'll let it slip out 'cause I just don't care
I got a word for you and it rhymes with luck
and that word my friends, it goes like...

buck the trend? no, not in this verse
I think I can make it just a little worse
I'm gonna drag this out just a little longer
so that the impact hits you a little stronger

I guess I should say it anyway, just for kicks
hope my momma don't hear or I'll get a hundred licks
I got a word to say and it rhymes with luck
and that word my friends is FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

I finally said the fuckin' word, alright?
now go to fuckin' bed and call it a night
this fuckin' song had to end eventually
and I know what you're thinking: fucking FINALLY!

I like to say fuck, just whenever I please
I like to spread it around like a fuckin' disease
I got a word for you, it fuckin' rhymes with luck
if you haven't got it yet, you're a real dumbfuck!


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PostPosted: 18 Mar 2012, 11:30 
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Hehe. An amusing little rhyme. :lol:



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PostPosted: 22 Mar 2012, 01:47 
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I've written yet another rage song...in a sense I wish I didn't write these all the time, but on the same token if I didn't, I'd go crazy with all the pent up anger inside. I tried to write it from the point of view of someone who has been pushed to the breaking point and just snapped, but they still have a sliver of humanity left that tells them that it's wrong, leading to the last verse where they wish someone would stop them. Also, the first verse was written specifically because of my day today, which was going fine up until a few hours ago when everything turned to shit.

On another note, the title is a combination of the names of two Iced Earth songs - Boiling Point and Days of Rage.

"Boiling Point of Rage"

today was alright, it was going fine
I didn't have any problems on my mind
but suddenly it took a turn for the worse
sometimes I swear that I've been cursed

now my heart is racing and my brain's replacing
thoughts of happiness, with visions of erasing
every last motherfucker who dragged me down
the only hope of escape is to get out of town

[chorus:
some people cut themselves to ease the pain
but cutting you will heal me just the same
I don't wanna kill but I've lost all control
I'm boiling with rage and it's taken it's toll]

I'm a murderer at large and I'm on the loose
I won't stop 'til I'm hanging from the noose
It's strange how everything can go astray
after suffering through just one bad day

now my heart is beating and my brain is screaming
to see every last one of you dead and bleeding
I've been holding it back for far too long
I can't help myself, even though it's wrong

[chorus]

I still feel remorse, but I'm on a crash course
dispersing my vengeance with brutal force
I'm begging and praying for death's release
somebody please save me from my own disease

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 25 Mar 2012, 03:17 
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This next one is almost exactly what the title says it is, but not quite. I didn't come up with it right off the top of my head (well, not all of it anyway) since I took the time to think out some lines and just tossed others in as they came to me. Secondly I did go back twice and change something I'd written, which I obviously couldn't do in a freestyle, so this is far from what "real" freestylers do, but I had a good time with it anyway.

"Freestyle #1" (in case there's more later)

don't know what you tryin' to do, you ain't gettin' through
pondering my indecision like a rebel without a clue
better than a rebel without a cause, gotta take a long pause
to try and justify his strict adherence to your laws
take a roll on the dice, pray that the numbers suffice
before you give it all away like ritual sacrifice
hand it over to their gods, the poor suckers and sods
they take but they don't give it back, they're frauds
meanwhile you're looking for a break, something to take
you stumble into fortune but find it's gone when you wake
spun your gold into straw, stripped down to the raw
left with the humiliation and the thorns in your paw
they're leaving no trace, like a ghost with no face
they don't knock, they just break and enter your place
it's all gone, it's all wrong, it won't be long
before you're singing their song like their pawn
tellin' all of the world, all the boys and the girls
about the new masters while you watch their flag unfurl
they're causin' you a hazard, but what does it matter?
you'd believe 'em if they said the earth was flatter
a reminder: the earth is round, and a few million pounds
you're testing the soil with your head in the ground
followed by an early grave, you're too late to save
they'll put you under the roads you helped pave
no one even cares, and the ones who do don't dare
to say a word and cause some tempers to flare
they got us where they want us, with no fuss
now we're all merrily riding on the short bus
we don't know any better, and they're unfettered
'cause we follow every single rule to the letter
it's time to refuse, this situation? defuse
don't become another nobody they can abuse
break out of your shell, fight, give 'em hell
return us to the days before tragedy befell
_____

I also wrote this just now. It's a rage poem, interesting enough. It's to tell people to get out of my way, because people seem to have a tendency to be in it quite often. >_>

"No Loitering"

I have one simple rule, but of vital importance
I ask that you follow it exactly in accordance
with my request to clear me a suitable path
or else face punishment, namely my wrath
I'll try to be polite and ask to excuse me
I'll forgo kind manners should you refuse me
for your conveninece, once more I'll repeat
get out of my way, or else you're dead meat


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PostPosted: 25 Mar 2012, 11:03 
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I love that last one! Once again you've shown some great use of rhyme, and, rather than being a general rage poem, it's about a specific situation which I suspect quite a lot of us have experienced, which makes it easy to relate to.

You may have made a few edits to the freestyle one as you were writing it, but it's still very impressive. I'd struggle to come out with something coherent and rhyming without spending hours, if not days, thinking about it.

Apologies for the late comment about the other rage one. I've been unwell and didn't feel up to doing anything that required actually thinking about anything. :P
I have to confess that it's getting tricky to find new things to say because you've written several of these now. But as always it's well thought out and expressed, and the rhymes sound apt and natural.



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PostPosted: 26 Mar 2012, 02:34 
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Firstly, I hope you feel better. :) I know exactly how you feel, when I don't feel well I don't want to do anything that makes me think either. Hell, sometimes I get that way anyway. XD

And now, I have this to post:

"Sneak-A-Poke"

an assassin creeps up on you from behind
suddenly in your chest you will find
a blade, now you're dead, it's no joke
he caught you off guard with his sneak-a-poke

This is inspired by the Assassin's Creed games. In the games, if you attack an enemy from behind with your sword, you will instantly kill them by running them through. But the way the characters do it, it looks like they're just poking their sword right through the enemy with little effort. It's kinda funny to see, so after a while I started calling it a "sneak-a-poke" due to the fact that it appears to be a poke, and it's done from behind, so it's sneaky.

I also threw this song together with some lines I came up with, which I modified for the chorus and then wrote the rest of the song around it.

"Anywhere But Here"

[chorus:
it's a shame to see that you don't care
so I make a wish upon a falling star
to take me away, I don't care where
I'll go anywhere but where you are]

I'm so sick of make-believing
there's no truth behind your eyes
I won't fall for your deceiving
I know you tell nothing but lies

I get the feeling that I'm over you
because your feelings were never true
there's only one thing left to do
I gotta get the hell away from you

[chorus]

it's time I must forget about you
and be on my way to better things
I've got nothing else left to lose
so I'll fly away on broken wings

I get the feeling that I'm over you
'cause loss of love is nothing new
for a time I didn't know what to do
now I just gotta get away from you

[chorus]

[bridge:
when I'm gone I know that you won't miss me
you don't remember how you used to kiss me
or when my love for you used to fill me
now I gotta break away before you kill me]

I get the feeling that I'm over you
there's just one thing left to do
I gotta get away, get away from you
'cause my escape is long overdue

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 30 Mar 2012, 02:44 
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I wrote a song and a poem a couple of days ago that I was going to post when I finished another song I have an idea for, but that song is still just an idea, so I'm going ahead and posting the others.

The first is a song I wrote after listening to the album Reach by the band Eyes Set to Kill. I wanted to write a song with a definite metalcore/screamo vibe, which the band gives off, so I wrote the first two verses but ended up getting stuck. I wasn't initially going to actually name the song after the band or even reference them, but I was able to come up with a chorus that worked fairly well using their name, so I just went with it. It's also worth noting that I sometimes have difficulty writing songs with this rhyming style, where every other line rhymes instead of every line. I only mention that because this song and the previous one up there both end with a bridge that goes back to my usual style, because after writing a few lines with the alternating rhymes, I run out of steam pretty quickly. Anyway, here it is:

"Eyes Set to Kill"

lies, degenerating ties that bind us
and bring us closer to our own demise
captured in our mind through the lenses
hidden right beneath our very eyes

domesticate, and suffocate our lungs
as they fill full of stifling hate
exhale it violently from your lips
as we reach a bitter mental state

[chorus:
my eyes are set to kill tonight
burning red with a savage light
I cannot cope, I cannot think
I cannot return from the brink
lost beyond the shadows of my mind
eyes set to kill have become blind
I cannot move, I cannot feel
I can't decipher what is real]

lies, disintegrating lives around us
as the truth is muffled by our cries
we only whisper silently in tongues
and when they don't hear we wonder why

communicate, and demonstrate identity
our false messiah sent to propogate
break through their sullen deceit
retaliate, find our truth to reinstate

[chorus]

[bridge:
eyes, communicating lies
our innocence has died
the truth was right in front of you
but you were too weak to see it through
cries, aloud we wonder why
it's too late to even try
they lead us with their dominating will
open your eyes, now they're set to kill]

[chorus]

_____

And, much like my last few posts, I have a song and a poem to post. This one has a funny backstory, actually. I wrote an entirely different poem, but after I got to thinking about it I realized that I'd pretty much ripped off a poem that a friend of mine wrote. Not word for word or anything, but the entire central concept was the same, as was the most repeated part of the poem, so I scratched that. The funny thing is I read an article (on Cracked, hilariously enough - I learn more there than I did in school) that talks about how our brain will subconsciously give us credit for something if we don't remember where it actually came from, which I imagine is what happened - I wrote the poem and took credit for it because I couldn't place where I'd heard some of the words before until 3 days later. So instead, I present:

"Subconscious Plagiarism"

if I steal your work I must apologize
next time I'll try not to forget
to make sure I'm not stealing words
from someone on the internet
I blame my brain for giving credit
where credit was not due
because this poem that I'm writing
was probably written by you

Again with the alternating rhymes, but this was short and simple.


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PostPosted: 10 Apr 2012, 03:59 
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Got a couple more things to post. This one was inspired by Wednesday 13's songs, mostly his Murderdolls stuff, but I worked some references to his solo work in too. I used bits and pieces of his lyrics but tried not to make it a complete rip-off.

"Nice To Meet You (Now Die)"

look out, motherfucker I'm on a rampage
paint the town red with a sawnoff 12-gauge
your blood will run red, your bones will break
I'll dump your dead body in a cold, dark lake

[pre-chorus:
run motherfucker, if you wanna survive
paint a target on you, leave none alive
put a bullet in your head right between the eyes
viva los violence, see the bodycount rise]

[chorus:
and it's nice to meet you, now fucking die
hello, goodbye, it's homicide
murder, murder, yes indeed, it's a
nice day for a killing spree]

this ain't a game, got nothing up my sleeve
It's just me and I'm K-I-L-L-I-N-G
run motherfucker, or face my aggression
meet my two best friends named Smith & Wesson

[pre-chorus and chorus]

gimmie gimmie bloodshed, gimmie lovely red
I don't care, 'cause I only want you dead
I'm crossin' you all off of my blacklist
one more motherfucker who shouldn't exist

[pre-chorus and chorus]

____

Also, this:

is there anyone out there, can anyone hear me?
or am I talking to myself when I'm down on my knees?
can anyone help me, bring me back from the dead
can somebody please erase these demons in my head?

[chorus:
stuck in a place I call home, I've never felt so alone
like a king without a queen, sitting by an empy throne
stuck in a place I call home, but it's far from my own
will somebody save me, or is my fate written in stone
stuck in a place I call home, and I'm stuck here alone]

is there anyone out there, or am I talking to the wall?
will I find my own savior, or hit the ground when I fall?
can somebody guide me, bring me back towards the light
or have I damned myself into this everlasting night?

[chorus]

is there anyone out there, to save me from this hell?
or are you just a hopless dream inside my wishing well?
can somebody take me from this place that I call home
can anyone save me from this lonely path that I roam?

[chorus]

is there anyone out there, to tell me that I'm wrong?
can somebody, somewhere, save me before I'm gone?

____

I don't even have a name for it because it was an attempt to get some emotions out of my head. I guess it kinda worked, seeing as I wrote the previous song after this one.


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PostPosted: 11 Apr 2012, 04:28 
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Once again, sorry for taking so long to respond. I did take a look at the first of these last 3 posts when you first posted it, but decided to wait until I had more time before replying, and then forgot (and didn't even noticed the second post *blush*).

You've got a very nice selection here. I think the ones where you've used the alternate-line rhyme scheme for the verses and adjacent lines for the chorus and/or bridge work very well.

I don't know Eyes Set to Kill (well, I've heard of them, but I don't know their music), but I like your song, even though I can't reference them when comparing the style (well I could - I could find them on Youtube - but I'm supposed to be cleaning the kitchen so I shouldn't spend more time on here than I have to right now. :P)

All of your songs here give the impression that they're reflecting genuine emotions, whether melancholy, as in the last one, or violent. I'm always attracted to emotional music and, even though there's no actual music to go with these, I find myself getting drawn into the feelings expressed in them.

Finally, I have to say that my favourite out of all of this batch is your poem, Subconscious Plagiarism. I think that one is beautifully written. It's simple and clear without being simplistic, the rhyme scheme suits it well, and the sentiment behind it is something that's easy to relate to. Would you be willing to let me put it up on the main site?



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PostPosted: 11 Apr 2012, 16:13 
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Glad you liked them. ^_^ And, of course, you can put Subconscious Plagiarism on the main site, I don't mind a bit. After all, what writer doesn't secretly want more exposure even if they claim otherwise? :D


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PostPosted: 12 Apr 2012, 11:47 
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Thanks a lot. :)



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PostPosted: 17 Apr 2012, 20:07 
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Got two more that I did yesterday, and touched them up just now to make them a little better.

This first one, unlike most songs I've posted recently, isn't really inspired by things I've personally encountered. Just general disdain towards the "one percent." Rich people.

So, naturally, it's called "The One Percent."

there I was hangin' out on the poverty line
when a kind old soul came and dropped a dime
then later that day down at the TV shop
I saw the face of the man, he runs Microsoft

while I was begging for scraps at every meal
he was signin' off on million dollar deals
the rich get richer while the poor stay poor
one day he's gonna find this note upon his door:

[chorus:
ya think it's so great that you're a big spender
and you wipe your fat ass with legal tender
I got a message for all you corporate clowns
I'm gonna hit Wall Street and burn it down]

there I was working hard as a movie extra
'cause I ain't pretty enough to face the camera
I've had enough fake smiles from so-called stars
'cause the scene where you die is my favorite part

I'm gonna tear down all your spoiled livelihoods
I'm gonna take a flamethrower to Hollywood
you'll open up your ears to the voice of dissent
when we rise up to overthrow the one percent

[chorus:
ya think you're so great 'cause you're in films
and ya got enough money to suit all your whims
I got a message for all you stuck up pricks
we're gonna tear down Hollywood brick by brick]

you think you can impress me with wads of cash
in the rat race you won the million dollar dash
I'm gonna make you see how the other side lives
when you give nothing, you'll get what you give

'cause the way that you live is just so obscene
feeding the helpless to the corporate machine
all the money won't matter much when you're dead
it's gonna go to your snot-nosed brat instead

[chorus:
ya think you're so great with your private jet
you better fly as fuckin' far away as you can get
I got a message for everyone in the one percent
we're gonna ruin you and bleed you of every cent]

_____

And this one deals with the (mostly American) stereotype that all heavy metal is Satanic. It's mostly older people, but younger people who were raised on pop trash and/or soft rock and country will believe it too.

"Modern Heretics"

everyone bar your windows and lock your doors
the heavy metal freaks are on the show floor
draped in their black leather and pentagrams
we're safe in the knowledge that they're all damned

now I can't help but to notice it
that everything you say is a load of shit
your way of thinking is erratic
'cause you claim that we are all Satanic

[chorus:
to hell with the devil
I'm a rock 'n' roll rebel
I put my faith in heavy metal
to hell with the devil
I've got no score to settle
I seek truth on a higher level]

you think we worship the beast, number 666
that we've never knelt before the crucifix
we're on a one way trip straight down to Hades
and none of us know how to treat our ladies

now I can't help but to find fault
there's no truth in the things you've taught
your way of thinking is overstatin'
our relationship with the realm of Satan

[chorus]

now I can't help but to be confused
at this negative stereotype that's overused
your way of thinking makes me laugh
'cause you haven't heard a metal band since Sabbath

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 17 Apr 2012, 21:17 
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Just out of curiosity, here: do you write any prose?



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PostPosted: 17 Apr 2012, 22:41 
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Considering I had to look up what prose meant, no. XD

I've written short stories before, but only in creative writing class, and those were easy because we were given a theme with which to write about. If I was to just sit here and try to come up with a short story or essay or whatever, I'd be sitting here a while before I just gave up.

Although there is this thing about suicide.

Which was more an experiment to see if I could break away from my typical poems and songs, and something I hope to do again at some point. But, again, it's difficult to find themes. Songs and poems simply come to me as I think up good rhymes and then flesh them out into whatever I want to write about. Anything else? It would end up sounding like crazed rantings, probably.


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PostPosted: 18 Apr 2012, 08:55 
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Oh; hm, I must have missed the suicide post.
Your pieces sure don't often end happy, do they?



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PostPosted: 18 Apr 2012, 20:07 
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That does seem to be an accidental re-occurrence, now that you mention it. lol

The only explanation that I can offer is that I have more negative emotions than I know what to do with, so I let them out in my writing.


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PostPosted: 18 Apr 2012, 22:10 
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Nothing wrong with that, I suppose. Just observing.
It'd be interesting to see more character writing out of you, I think.



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PostPosted: 20 Apr 2012, 16:13 
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I'll keep that in mind. But in the meantime...

This first one, I don't really know how to explain where it came from. It started with the first line of the song (or a variation of it) and I tried a couple of different ways to expand on it. Eventually...this happened. It's essentially written from the point of view of someone who thinks the world would be better off without them. The chorus was an afterthought, as I'd written all the verses, but after running through it in my head I decided it felt too short and repetitive. I mean, the repetition of the first few words of each line was intentional, I just didn't realize how it would affect the flow at first. Anyway:

"People Like Me"

it's hard to wake up with something to believe in
when people like me are still alive and breathing
I've turned all of my friends into bitter enemies
until there's no one left to hear my helpless pleas

[chorus:
take my eyes until I can't see
take my life until I can't be
take the suffering I've caused
confine it to these empty halls
take the anger I've expelled
all the hatred I've compelled
erase the pain and all the fear
it's a better place when I'm not here]

it's hard to find truth behind a stranger's eyes
when people like me are the ones spinning the lies
I've turned every single truth into a false pretense
until I can't separate which part really makes sense

[chorus]

it's hard to get along with members of my society
when people like me are devoid of basic humanity
I've turned myself against my own kind, my own breed
until I've become something else, something obscene

[chorus]

it's hard to see why a man shot himself in the head
when people like me flat-out refuse to drop dead
I've turned my life into a story no one should read
until the end where I finally fall down and bleed

[chorus]

___

At first it was going to be "People Like You" but I've done plenty of songs with that underlying theme, so I decided to "flip the script" so to speak.

This next one requires some backtracking. Some months ago I wrote a song called Darkness Painted White (here) which was about a person who puts up a false cheerful front to hide the fact that they're suffering inside - hence, they "painted over" their darkness. At the end of the song the "mask" begins to come apart. This is a follow-up to that song, which tells of the mask finally peeling away and leaving nothing but a broken soul.

"Thinner"

I open my eyes to endless gray
no mask to hide my slow decay
the paint I used to hide behind
is thinning to the dark inside

incandescence of the altered presence
nothing left but tattered remnants
iridescence, fades to absence
corroded by the opaque silence

[chorus:
reassure that I'm alright
fumbling in the darkest night
nothing but the faintest glimmer
is left by the oppressive thinner]

I feel it washing over me
setting all the darkness free
I must face it all alone
for these demons are my own

see no evil, hear no evil
a farce that left my body feeble
mind is fearful, eyes are tearful
to myself I've been deceitful

[chorus]

[bridge:
I coated my inner pain in white
believed that it would be alright
I thought I could conceal my scars
until the thinner tore my mask apart]

no longer living a false front
injured by my prideful stunt
now my pain has been exposed
the masquerade has decomposed

how I tried, to conceal the lies
bleeding from a wound I denied
close my eyes, the thinner's dried
suffering under darkened skies

[chorus:
can't pretend that I'm alright
sinking into pale twilight
echoes of no life will shimmer
under the oppressive thinner]
______

I intentionally structured this one pretty much exactly like the first one, to give it some credibility as a "sequel" of sorts.


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PostPosted: 20 Apr 2012, 19:01 
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I didn't actually go back to re-read the first one, but I thought I detected a similar structure. They make an interesting pair. Maybe one day, if you ever find yourself feeling in a more positive mood, it could be interesting to write one about the experience of living with the darkness and then (hopefully) coming out the other side. (Btw, I loved your rhymes in
"incandescence of the altered presence
nothing left but tattered remnants
iridescence, fades to absence
corroded by the opaque silence".

People Like Me is quite interesting to me because I know someone who, some years ago, had serious self-esteem problems and thought very much like that (and had succeeded in alienating many of his friends, so the 3rd line in the 1st stanza is also applicable). So I can certainly see it as a song expressing plausible personal emotions.

With regard to your metal one, I have encountered that attitude, but so far only once explicitly (in a document that an acquaintance brought home from a religious conference run by an American organisation, so I think it it probably is chiefly an American attitude, or, at least, an attitude held within churches that derive their doctrine from certain American churches). I sometimes wonder what those circles who claim that the whole of metal as a genre (or genres) is satanic make of the various Christian metal bands that exist. :P



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PostPosted: 20 Apr 2012, 23:53 
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[QUOTE=dinowoman;208506]I sometimes wonder what those circles who claim that the whole of metal as a genre (or genres) is satanic make of the various Christian metal bands that exist. :P[/QUOTE]

Hehe, yeah, I was gonna try to work in references Stryper, and probably others, but I couldn't come up with anything good so I left it out.


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PostPosted: 01 May 2012, 23:56 
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This is something I wrote this morning for kicks, I guess. It's been almost 24 hours since I wrote it so I have no idea what kind of mindset I was in. But I do know it's meant to be a bit silly. Also, I realize the title is kinda dumb but that just furthers the notion that it shouldn't be taken seriously on any level.

"Me(an), Myself(ish), and I(nsane)"
alternate title: "The Worst Kind of People" (less parentheses but also pretty boring and straightforward)

so you wanna know what kind of people are the worst?
there's something kinda urgent I gotta tell ya first
I've got some with me right here inside of my brain
and every single one of us has completely gone insane

I prefer to spend my free time tormenting human souls
spiking every lame-ass party's unattended punch bowl
I beat a blind man up with his own damn walking stick
when I met the queen, I said "your majesty, suck my dick"

[pre-chorus:
I'm a twisted fucking SOB, it's true for all of me
I'm everything that you hate, multiplied by three
I turned off my common sense, it wasn't helpin' me
it threatened to release me from this sweet insanity]

[chorus:
call me sick, call me ill-mannered and immoral
call me a bastard, schizophrenia makes it plural
inject psychosis through a contaminated needle
me, myself, and I, we're the worst kind of people]

I took a good, long piss all over Whistler's Mother
convinced the congregation that Satan was my brother
I may have stretched the very definition of devotion
when I killed every motherfucker who did the Locomotion

I set the doomsday clock forward to revel in your fear
I take pride in setting human rights back twenty years
every doctor wants to save me from my mental corruption
if you think I want relief, well that's a poor assumption

[pre-chorus and chorus]

I've got bullets set aside for the country music artists
and a few Stinger missiles for the political alarmists
I go dressed up as Michael Myers every single Halloween
and beat the living shit out of people dressed as Scream

I held up traffic in New York flagging down every taxi
I ripped the wings right off of that fucking fairy Navi
every time I go to say a prayer, I smile and bow my head
to let Him know I won't be coming to visit when I'm dead

[pre-chorus and chorus]


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PostPosted: 03 May 2012, 17:04 
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If I thought it was serious I'd have found that very disturbing indeed, but as it is, I found it utterly hilarious. :D

And I'm sure there are plenty of people very ready to agree with one or two of those sentiments ("I've got bullets set aside for the country music artists"; "I ripped the wings right off of that fucking fairy Navi", to quote a couple :lol:).



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PostPosted: 07 May 2012, 22:02 
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This next one came from a desire to experiment with a genre I hadn't really written for - black metal. Specifically, misanthropic black metal, but...my initial goal was to write this without a rhyme scheme, but after I accidentally rhymed a few lines (humanity and individuality in the first verse, and later on in a verse I removed) I went back and rewrote parts to give it a rhythmic flow. I can still envision it working as a black metal song, so I guess it wasn't a total miss.

"Diagnosis: Humanity"

I'm dying from an inherent disease
diagnosis: humanity
everywhere I look it's the same
no individuality

before we crawled, evil had flown
unleashing prehistoric plight
then we came upon it's vile land
bastards of the sludge of life

[chorus:
masters of the universe at large
we place our race on high
I step down from the pedestal
and await our time to die]

we claim all in the name of God
but we only serve ourselves
taking what we believe to be ours
as our pride begins to swell

we find our strength in numbers
but I refuse to be a cog
powering the infernal machine
choking us in the foul smog

[chorus]

all things begin, all things end
but the cancer still remains
where is the retribution deserved
for leaving earth bloodstained

I await the savior of our race
not the one they call Christ
the pinnacle of our creations
undone by our own device

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 10 May 2012, 17:07 
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I couldn't say how well that fits the black metal genre (I never was good at recognising precisely what defines each given metal genre), but it certainly seems sombre enough, and I could certainly imagine those lyrics set in a metal style. I like it.



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PostPosted: 23 May 2012, 22:28 
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I finished writing this song just now, and figured I'd go ahead and post it before I decide it's not good enough and delete it (because I've done that with two songs already) so...I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a rage song or a death metal song. Maybe it's both. >_>

"Cadavearth"

I've had enough of the world and all it's shit
I crave the sight of blood in the drainage ditch
I swore to myself I wouldn't commit homicide
but the axe in your chest says the promise died

it's time for plan B: mass murder and revenge
injected in your veins through a poison syringe
you think I'm insane, that's just your opinion
I just wanna spread the reign of death's dominion

[pre-chorus:
and I wish I may, I wish I might
crush your fucking skull tonight
the smell of death is getting worse
with each delivery from my hearse]

[chorus:
the world is a casket just waiting to be filled
with the bodies of every motherfucker I've killed
I'll bleed this fucking planet for all it's worth
tag the toe and close the drawer on this cadavearth]

digging out a mass grave, I won't leave no roses
just a pile of corpses, striking rigid poses
my profession changes from hitman to grave digger
depending on if my finger is on the trigger

the air is thick, the grass is black and dead
I'll complete the scenery with your severed head
there's no stopping my mission of de-population
until I've fixed earth's human over-saturation

[pre-chorus and chorus]

[solo]

[pre-chorus and chorus]


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