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PostPosted: 10 Oct 2012, 20:41 
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I had something less depressing in the works, but I never finished it and doubt I ever will. Instead, here's this thing:

"Replica"

I've become what I didn't want to be
the monster inside has devoured me
I live each day inside my shell
I'm a replica, a shadow of myself
I see myself through my own eyes
in a reflection I don't recognize

___

This was going to be part of a song, but that's as far as I got or ever will get with it.


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PostPosted: 12 Oct 2012, 17:35 
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Actually, I think it works quite well as a poem. The shortness of it gives it impact.



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PostPosted: 25 Oct 2012, 00:02 
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This is a song I banged out just now. I'm not really sure how I managed to make it coherent, but I did. I think. Well, it's close enough anyway. :P I'm not really sure what to call it, so right now it's just "What is Real?"

now you see me, and now you don't
drifting in and out of the aether's fold
reality is a belief that you hold
to hide away from the nightmares untold

[chorus:
in through the out door, I've broken the seal
of my mind, plea of insanity with no appeal
content with my soul's inability to feel
what is time? what is life, and what is real?]

I have walked through the outworld's lands
through frozen mountains and the shifting sands
from astral planes where none can stand
into the valleys of the eternally damned

[chorus]

the skin is a disguise that I have worn
ever since the day that I was born
travelling into a chaotic firestorm
burning off the shadow of my human form

[chorus]

[bridge:
time, what is time?
a drifting point on a number line
life, what is life?
the embodiment of chaos and strife
the soul may be bound to the earth's terrain
but the mind is free to break out from the chains]

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 25 Oct 2012, 12:21 
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I suspect a lot of us can relate to the thoughts you express there. Real life is certainly only a small part of the life I lead if you include everything I experience in my imagination.

Once again, some very nice rhymes, that flow very naturally within the 'narrative' (for want of a better word).



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PostPosted: 03 Dec 2012, 16:33 
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Venni, you should write something about how much more emo and Batman your TOR Marauder is.



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PostPosted: 29 Dec 2012, 04:02 
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Soooooo I haven't written anything in a while, but I had some good rhymes to use and I managed to get some (not all, so maybe there's more on the way) into a working structure to form something similar to a song. XD Unfortunately this isn't a song about my SWTOR character (I got 4 lines into that and couldn't think of anything else) but maybe I'll get to that one eventually. I wasn't really sure what to call this one so I just went with the last word of the song, which I think kinda works as a descriptor for the general feel of the song anyway.

"Decay"

can someone please tell me why
the reason I even care to try
I've no place inside of this realm
save for an eternity in hell

[chorus:
and now it's getting hard to sleep
with a bleeding heart upon my sleeve
and it's getting hard to tell the difference
when the rear-view skews the distance]

and I can't find my own way out
wrong lane in the the turnabout
head-on, here comes the collision
brought 'round by my indecision

[chorus:
and now it's getting hard to breathe
with this weight bearing down on me
when I push the pillow up from my head
I find it's me that wants me dead]

I find it's me that wants me dead...

[bridge:
roll the regret off my shoulders
now it's crashing down like boulders
face to face, look in the mirror
break the glass to see it clearer
turn the corner, down the stairway
haunting voices fill the airwaves
in my head they scream and shout
as I try desperately to climb out!!]

[chorus:
and now it's getting hard to choose
when I've got nothing left to lose
another train of thought derails
a planned escape, to no avail
and now it's getting hard see
through this darkness blinding me
clouding my judgment and my way
I'm left to rot in a slow decay]


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PostPosted: 29 Dec 2012, 12:57 
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I love the choruses in this, especially the way the thing it's getting hard to do changes. I also particularly liked the line 'I find it's me that wants me dead'.

What a pity you didn't manage to write a song about your TOR character. Ethan's written some stuff on his two characters and I know Myke has written some bits about his. It'd be really cool if we started to build up an anthology of Mercury Star-Wars-character-based creative writing. XD



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PostPosted: 07 Feb 2013, 20:16 
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This is a straightforward death metal song I plunked out for no particular reason. I had a chorus for it, but it didn't really fit with the rest of the lines, so I took it out, which makes it look really short, but traditional death metal songs aren't often that long anyway.

"Reborn in Death" (for lack of anything better to call it)

force the weaklings from their homes
rip the flesh straight from their bones
bloodied rivers running red
where we dump the corpses of the dead

deadly violence is the rule of law
feeding souls to hell's gaping maw
there's no remorse and no regret
the only certainty is death

the smell of death is getting stronger
the light of life will burn no longer
it's our twisted taste for homicide
and our hunger can't be satisfied

the bodycount is rising higher
corpses rotting on a hellish pyre
we return their ashes to the earth
to fuel humanity's rebirth


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PostPosted: 07 Feb 2013, 20:22 
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/reads to the tune of Birthday Dethday

brutal



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PostPosted: 08 Feb 2013, 03:28 
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A really morbid theme, but then it is death metal. :P
I love it. Interesting rhymes without sounding at all contrived and a rhythm that would be perfect set to music. (A pity I don't know Birthday Dethday. I'll have to try to remember to check it out when I get home form work.)



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PostPosted: 08 Feb 2013, 14:10 
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Venom wrote:
feeding souls to hell's gaping maw
For some reason, when I read this, the entirety of the work flows really great except for this one line that no matter how I read it, just, I dunno, feels out of place or breaks it for me.



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PostPosted: 04 Mar 2013, 22:51 
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Zeth wrote:
Venom wrote:
feeding souls to hell's gaping maw
For some reason, when I read this, the entirety of the work flows really great except for this one line that no matter how I read it, just, I dunno, feels out of place or breaks it for me.


Yeah, if I read it any way except the exact way I heard it in my head, it doesn't work. If I could explain how it sounds in my head, I would. XD

Anyway, here's this thing:

"Violence Solves Everything"

no escape, it's too fucking late
now you got a problem with me
nowhere to run, the barrel of a gun
is the last thing you will see

'cuz I'm a villain, I'm a fiend, the first one on the scene
yeah, 'cuz I committed the crime
a whisper and a scream, the first one off of the streets
when they heard that somebody died

[chorus:
gimme blood, gimme fire,
give me your corpse on a pyre
burn, motherfucker, burn
gimme death to the liars
watch you hang from a wire
a lesson in violence learned]

no remorse, revenge is the course
as the smell of death pervades
nowhere to go, it's time to reload
and put a bullet in your brains

with a heave and a ho, into the fucking lake you go
and don't forget your cement shoes
searching high, searching low, but no one will ever know
yeah, just what happened to you

[chorus]

now in the back of my hearse, it's the end of my curse
yeah, my happily ever after
it's perverse, could be worse, at least the worms will converse
yeah, with your rotting cadaver

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 05 Mar 2013, 12:14 
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While violence isn't one of my favourite themes for a song, as almost always, I've found some parts of this one that really appeal because of the way you've used language.

Most of all I like the final verse, with that big string of rhymes. I think that fitting them in throughout the first and third lines gives a far more interesting effect than just having rhymes on the ends of pairs of lines all the time (though even when you do that, you frequently manage to come up with some really cool ones that avoid sounding unnatural or clichéd), and it also gives the effect of making the two rhymes in lines 2 and 4 stand out more, which really gives a strong ending to the verse, since the final word is 'cadaver'.

I also like the chorus (couldn't help thinking of Metallica's Fuel when I read the opening). My one comment there though would be that I felt it might have been more effective to say 'gimme your corpse on a pyre', rather than "give me", so as to continue the 'gimme' string.



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PostPosted: 16 Mar 2013, 22:02 
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I'm always wanting to write fantasy-inspired stuff but I can never quite finish anything I try to start, but I finally cranked out something that's kinda-sorta Norse mythology related, so it's a start. :D

"Valkyrie, Rise!"

the demon horde marches on the hill
with hate in their eyes, set for a kill
we ride to meet them under the moon
though we know we now face our doom

since the demons rose it's been so long
living under rule of the devil's song
why they fight none can remember
still we attack with no surrender

[pre-chorus:
and with each flash of their blade
Valhalla's doors greet a new face
the end of our times coming true
for honor, we stand - win or lose]

[chorus:
valkyrie rise, and claim your dead
guide them from these fields of dread
catch the mighty as they fall
and take them to the honored halls]

with burning steel, we face the legion
through bitter colds of unending seasons
"archers, ready, on your mark!
send the vile ones back to the dark!"

they charge ahead through a growing path
heralding the wake of the devil's wrath
still we prepare for our final stand
we'll fight and die to protect this land

[pre-chorus]

[chorus:
valkyrie rise, and claim your dead
guide them from these fields of dread
catch the mighty as they fall
and take them to the honored halls
valkyrie rise on this bloody night
upon your wings the dead take flight
the fallen souls will be set free
and soon I know you'll come for me]

[bridge:
forging onward, they advance
fighting still, we have no chance
my brothers falling one by one
I know this day cannot be won
I watch the last defender bleed
as the darkness closes in on me]

[pre-chorus:
and with a flash of their blade
the final death stroke is made
in the end, the battle is lost
the fate of our land is the cost]

[chorus:
valkyrie rise, on my last breath
upon your wings I'll escape death
guide me to the honored halls
where we await the gods to fall
valkyrie rise, and lead our fight
in Ragnarok we'll die tonight
the doors of Valhalla open wide
into our destiny, we'll ride!]


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PostPosted: 17 Mar 2013, 13:00 
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I find that quite poignant. I think it's the idea that it's not just the character and his battle companions who are lost, but the land they're fighting for too, due to their failure. And it makes me wish you'd write the story that leads up to this fated battle. XD



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PostPosted: 01 Apr 2013, 21:48 
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So I wrote this for April Fool's day:

this holiday of April Fool's
such a devious little tool
for masterminds of trickery
and good ol' fashioned dickery
an entire day of clever ruses
one delights while one confuses
bring your Google Nose to town
and watch as Youtube gets shut down
let's make Twitter vowel free
and don't forget the Half-Life 3
but on this day of endless pranks
just remember and give thanks
that no one knows where you live
'cuz the internet does not forgive


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PostPosted: 02 Apr 2013, 04:51 
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A fun little ditty. (I'll have to make sure I don't ever upset anyone with a prank - several Mercers and several people from my previous forum DO know where I live. :P)



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PostPosted: 18 Apr 2013, 17:39 
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I don't really feel like explaining this one, and, really, it probably works better left open to interpretation anyway, so that's what we're gonna do here. :\

"Heaven Help Us"

you and I, lost in this time
can't find the reason 'cause we don't understand the rhyme
left in the dark, by a failure of the heart
what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but it's tearing us apart

we've been left now all alone, in a place that we call home
with the blame and the burden of a name that no one knows
all the torment and the shame, now it drags us down in flames
as we scream out to the sky, come and save us from our pain

[chorus:
heaven, heaven help us
this we pray in darkest night
heaven, heaven help us
give us meaning to our lives
heaven, heaven help us
lead us from this road to hell
heaven, heaven help us
come and save us from ourselves]

turn and run, away from the sun
will we find our salvation in a book or in a gun?
casting us out, as we scream and hit the ground
will we stand above it all, or will we just keep falling down?

we say a desperate, lonely prayer, as we beg the skies to care
is there someone looking back from the clouds at which we stare?
all the torment and the shame, now it drags us down in flames
as we scream out to the sky, come and take us from this place

[chorus]

[bridge:
heaven help us, this we pray
lead us to a better day
heaven help us, hear our cry
give us meaning to our lives
heaven help us, lead the way
from the path of our decay
heaven help us, God above
let us see the light of love, again...
let us see the light...
this we pray in darkest night...]

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 28 Apr 2013, 14:59 
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Sorry for the very late reply. I was waiting for a time when I wasn't focussed on work and keeping up with RPs (and, I have to confess, spending much of what spare time I did have in TOR - maybe Klarth is right to claim it eats people's souls :P).

I really like this song. I can think if several scenarios for which it would be very fitting. I most especially liked the chorus, and then the bridge which echos so many of the words of the chorus, with the effect that it really draws attention to the new phrases and the slight change in emphasis from focussing on the threat of destruction to the possibility of salvation (whether that's seen in religious terms or in terms of a light at the end of the tunnel in the singer's life).



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PostPosted: 15 Jul 2013, 04:49 
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This is basically another "kill everything everywhere" song. This one's kinda weird to boot, but it's been floating around in my head for a while and I finally got it out in some form, so even if it is an oddity it's still better than unused lines clogging up my memory banks. XD

"Murder By Numbers"

one bloody bullet from a gun
two, the end is coming soon for you
three, let's start this killing spree
four motherfuckers hangin' from a tree

[pre-chorus:
and you might find my measures drastic
when I dig your grave and close the casket]

[chorus:
murder by numbers, a mathematic delusion
a complex problem with a simple solution
the answer lies in your untimely death
divide by blood until there's nothing left]

five, no one's getting out alive
six, planting heads on top of sticks
seven, ain't lucky when you're up in heaven
eight rounds spraying from a loaded weapon

[pre-chorus and chorus]

[bridge:
nine, it's an intervention so un-divine
ten second head-start then your life's on the line]

[chorus]


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PostPosted: 22 Jul 2013, 05:43 
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I think the fact that this one is weird works in its favour. Definitely a very original idea in the context of such a theme. Nice structure too. I particularly like the rhyme and rhythm in the chorus: a wonderful choice of language. :)



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PostPosted: 16 May 2015, 23:19 
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Hey there, writing thread. It's been a good while. How've you been? Bored? I hear ya. So I was thinking...maybe we could get back together, and post songs? Just like old times?

Yes, surprisingly, I'm back (for today, anyway) with something new! After almost 2 years! Because I had nothing better to do, I guess!

So anyway, you're probably wondering what the new material is like, if I've sold out to the man and started pumping out radio-friendly hits that will eventually end up on Kidz Bop albums. Well, hopefully this won't, because it's not very good, as I'm a bit rusty. :p This song came from the fact that, uh, guys who think men's rights is a thing are apparently complaining about the new Mad Max movie. So the name of this song is an abbreviation for men's rights activists. Or activism. Either way.

"MRA"

there's a change in the winds, a march on the move
another day, another problem that spells our doom
they come to take our place and steal our things
now we toil in castles that have no kings
the scream out for progress while spreading lies
their "truth" is aimed only at our reign's demise
it's time to make a stand, time to stem the tide
we'll put them in their place as is our right

[pre-chorus:
we fear the changes that you've brought
it's not for what our fathers fought
we'll assert our rights without a thought
before we see our great land rot]

[chorus:
and we'll keep screaming
and we'll keep dreaming of
a tomorrow just like yesterday
where we command the highest pay
and we'll keep trying
and we'll keep crying out
until we make our voices heard
our roles must never be reversed]

under the guise of fairness and equality
they seek to undermine all that keeps us free
their fires only spread to scorch our earth
and strip away the rights we've held from birth
we see them taking over, reaching up to the top
it's a wave of progress that only we can stop
so take a note, here's our list of demands
we must retain control of the kingdom's lands

[pre-chorus and chorus]

[bridge:
so take your wants and take your needs, compare them to our mighty deeds
we paved the way, we broke the mold, but only you could be so bold
to think you're strong, to think you're right, to think we'll lie down with no fight
what we've earned, what we've gained, they spell the truth: this is man's domain!]

[chorus:
and we'll keep screaming
and we'll keep dreaming of
a tomorrow just like yesterday
where we command the highest pay
and we'll keep trying
and we'll keep crying out
until we make our voices heard
our roles must never be reversed
and we're still dreaming
and we'll keep screaming of
our right to rule, our right to stay
why won't your kind just go away?
and we're still trying
and we'll keep crying out
while our shrinking voices last
we'll keep clinging to the past]
___

I hope it was obvious (I tried to make it noticeable but not blatant) that this was written from a sarcastic and cynical point of view, because that's just how I do. :p (Also, and I don't usually get into this kind of stuff, but "men's rights" is about the stupidest goddamn thing I've ever heard in my life)


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PostPosted: 17 May 2015, 04:14 
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Don't worry; it didn't for a moment sound like you agreed with their standpoint. XD

I particularly like the chorus of this one, especially the extended one at the end. Very nicely structured.



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