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 Post subject: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 06 Dec 2013, 14:23 
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I've been desperately trying to come up with a few to start such a thread with, but my wit's been pretty dry lately.

Anybody got any? I have some new ROFL GIFs what need exercising.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 06 Dec 2013, 18:21 
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One I just saw on Tumblr:

Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's roundtable?
Sir Cumference



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 06 Dec 2013, 18:22 
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I used this one to make Dino groan a few Days ago:

'What work of Literature has no Fern in it?

The Infern-no.


One of my Housemates told me (jokingly, since I happened to notice her putting a Peppermint into her Purse) once that I shouldn't watch her so closely; I answered 'Sorry, but you're like a Train Wreck, I simply can't look away.'

(I am not a nice Person some Days.)



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 07 Dec 2013, 06:21 
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From the radio this morning:

What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 07 Dec 2013, 14:24 
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Crystal Shards wrote:
One I just saw on Tumblr:

Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's roundtable?
Sir Cumference
You can't beat the classics.

Stumbled across this one online recently:

"She's just a whiskey-maker, but he loves her still."



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 07 Dec 2013, 16:07 
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Do not fall into the Time Fissure, or a Time Fish may eat you — it's certainly full of them.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 07 Dec 2013, 16:38 
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That...doesn't make much sense, but the fact that 'fissure' and 'fisher' sound alike in most dialects seems like it has potential.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 07 Dec 2013, 20:43 
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It was rather Context-Sensitive, I suppose. Another such I once saw after somebody on another Forum posted a JPEG; it went something like *pegs J's at you*.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 04:42 
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Bumping an aging topic, but I felt this link is appropriate for fulfilling your bad joke/pun quota.


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 05:43 
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SO much that's groanworthy in there! XD (He makes even more bad puns than Klarth. :P)



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 11:21 
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That was beautiful.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 16:08 
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That was punishing.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 16:34 
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Well played, sir.

For that, I will need to take...

*dons glasses*

Punitive measures.

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH! O0


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 16:39 
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I must remark the inferiority of your Riposte, since the Play relies solely upon Spelling.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 16:58 
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What are puns if they do not rely on playing with words, the speaking of them, and appropriate context as the crux of their humour/painfulness? ;)


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 17:20 
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Do you mean to say that you were pronouncing the Word as 'punnative' rather than 'peunative'?

And Sonic Puns are always superior to orthographical Puns. They always have a Point.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 17:40 
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*Another groan* :p



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 18:10 
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Are my Puns making you blue?



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 18:45 
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I don't get it.
Klarth's that is; that list was frelling AWESOME.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 16 Jan 2014, 19:08 
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Sonic as in Sonic the Hedgehog, who has Points, and is blue.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 17 Jan 2014, 19:39 
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I found these on a badly degraded webpage on some corner of the internet not accessed since 2008, so I figured I'd copypasta them. Warning: wide disparity in quality.

Quote:
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in Texas. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", one asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ...A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 17 Jan 2014, 23:32 
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^I remember that one about the monks from a Pearls Before Swine strip, except it was Hugh Hefner, which put a rather different spin on it.

Which reminds me of another horrible pun from that strip (one of many): A local fairground on the edge of town holds eccentric contests and is known for cheating people out of their prizes. For instance, they held a bread-kneading contest, but the winner found that they refused to hand out the promised prize. After much arguing, however, they allowed him to keep the dough he had kneaded. Which just goes to show that you can't always get what you won, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you knead.


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 18 Jan 2014, 08:42 
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^^ I've heard that 'can't have your kayak and heat it' one before, on a radio show. In fact, that set in general are very much in the style of that show. As you say, the quality is variable, but some of those are so groanworthy they're hilarious. XD

Yesterday, Mac showed me these classical music jokes. Again, very variable, and some may require an understanding of musical terminology, but I thought some of them were quite amusing. (I liked the first one best.)
http://www.classicfm.com/discover/music ... mp=EMC-NEO



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 18 Jan 2014, 13:03 
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I liked the ones about the sopranos.



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 Post subject: Re: Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: 01 Feb 2014, 20:15 
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Quote:
[29/01/2014 12:01:09 AM] Casey: http://kaolincash.tumblr.com/post/74827432748
[29/01/2014 12:05:36 AM] Myke: C- i'm not sure i get it
[29/01/2014 12:05:45 AM] Myke: C- 'i'll put you under?' seems too simple
[29/01/2014 12:05:46 AM] Casey: i'll put u in a comma
[29/01/2014 12:05:58 AM] Myke: B- oh
[29/01/2014 12:06:01 AM] Myke: B- yeah that's better
[29/01/2014 12:06:02 AM] Casey: like
[29/01/2014 12:06:04 AM] Casey: coma
[29/01/2014 12:06:08 AM] Casey: you people don't deserve me
[29/01/2014 12:06:12 AM] Myke: xD
[29/01/2014 12:10:07 AM] Casey: at least it wasn't a period
[29/01/2014 12:11:10 AM] Myke: p:
[29/01/2014 12:13:22 AM] Casey: or
[29/01/2014 12:13:22 AM] Casey: or a
[29/01/2014 12:13:25 AM] Casey: ...colon
[29/01/2014 12:14:34 AM] Myke: B- okay that one was pretty good
[29/01/2014 12:14:46 AM] Casey: hey screw you the original joke was great
[29/01/2014 12:14:56 AM] Casey: i mean the colon thing was fantastic but come on
[29/01/2014 12:15:03 AM] Myke: B- lol
[29/01/2014 12:15:25 AM] Casey: oh
[29/01/2014 12:15:26 AM] Casey: oh
[29/01/2014 12:15:27 AM] Casey: wait
[29/01/2014 12:15:29 AM] Casey: how about
[29/01/2014 12:15:32 AM] Casey: i'll put u in a `
[29/01/2014 12:16:41 AM] Myke: B- too far
[29/01/2014 12:16:56 AM] Casey: i'll put u in a `` with a stranger
[29/01/2014 12:17:01 AM] Casey: I'LL PUT U IN A ``````````````````````````````
[29/01/2014 12:17:04 AM] Casey: (mass grave)
[29/01/2014 12:19:03 AM] Casey: i'll put a • in u
[29/01/2014 12:20:42 AM] Casey: y'know i really hate the dude who invented facebook
[29/01/2014 12:20:49 AM] Casey: we should ™ for someone better
[29/01/2014 12:21:06 AM] Myke: A- casey pls
[29/01/2014 12:21:57 AM] Casey: maybe he'd be less of an asshole if someone gave him a blowjob
[29/01/2014 12:22:03 AM] Casey: but i'm sure as hell not gonna ℠
[29/01/2014 12:22:10 AM] Casey: oh fuck it doesn't work on skype
[29/01/2014 12:22:14 AM] Casey: that's like TM but SM instead
[29/01/2014 12:22:16 AM] Casey: which means
[29/01/2014 12:22:18 AM] Casey: service mark
[29/01/2014 12:22:30 AM] Myke: B- no it came through
[29/01/2014 12:22:45 AM] Myke: B- maybe because phone skype
[29/01/2014 12:23:31 AM] Casey: i drank too much, gonna ― to the loo and have a /
[29/01/2014 12:26:00 AM] Casey: mark: i can't believe that package still hasn't arrived. i wish i could track it
steve: that's why you should always pay extra for ®
[29/01/2014 12:26:11 AM | Edited 12:26:13 AM] Casey: REGISTERED TRADE, MARK
[29/01/2014 12:30:16 AM] Casey: i am sorry friend



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