Rugter
12-01-2008, 05:11 PM
People are only still alive because Dave Mustaine hasn't met them yet.
The Cold War was choreographed to Dave Mustaine's music, not vice versa.
Dave Mustaine kicked Metallica out of himself because they weren't drugged-up enough.
Dave Mustaine's veins are filled with heroin instead of blood.
Dave Mustaine is the only born-again Christian in the world that is more hardcore than God.
Dave Mustaine not only invented death, but the subsequent upgrades deth and megadeth.
Dave Mustaine is the only constant member of Megadeth because prolonged exposure to his awesomeness produces near-fatal side effects in other, lesser beings.
Contrary to what one might infer from the lyrics of his songs, Dave Mustaine has never broken up with a girl. Dave Mustaine breaks up girls into tiny, tiny, bloody pieces.
Dave Mustaine actually bought peace, only to destroy it so he'd have more wars to write about.
Nuclear was has been abandoned in favor of bombing people with copies of Rust in Peace, which is now widely considered to be far more deadly.
Dave Mustaine was able to impregnate Eddie the Head; the result was Vic.
Dave Mustaine actually wrote the entirety of Metallica's first three albums, which were recorded by Metallica after Lars Ulrich fished them out of Mustaine's trash can.
Contrary to popular belief, Cliff Burton was not crushed by a tour bus. He was crushed from a distance by Dave Mustaine's residual awesomeness.
Dave Mustaine never contradicts himself. He changes history to fit with his latest version of it.
Dave Mustaine was once named the patron saint of anger for his implacable rage. Upon hearing this, he beat up every member of heaven, every member of hell, and every person on earth before storming off to other planets to see if he could find anyone else to beat up.
Dave Mustaine wrote "Countdown to Extinction" after murdering every animal on earth with his bare hands--he changed the story to canned hunts so everyone could understant how easy it had been for him.
Dave Mustaine considered studying classical music and composition for years for the writing of "Symphony of Destruction," but decided that it would be easier to simply become a dictator himself and record the ensuing carnage.
Marvel Comics was inspired to create Dethlok upon hearing "Psychotron."
Marty Friedman got his last name as Mustaine's playing was and is hotter than his, hence frying the man.
Immediately after "Shadow of Deth" was released, God threw up his hands and admitted "I should've just let Dave write the whole Bible. What was I thinking?"
Nuclear weapons were invented not to win World War II, but to give Dave Mustaine something to write about.
After Megadeth played their version of "Paranoid" at Ozzfest, Ozzy said he didn't like it because he was too ashamed to admit that Dave did it better.
Dave Mustaine invented drugs in 1834 so Metallica could have a source for all the material they didn't rip off from Dave, and also so he could do drugs. Little did he know that Metallica would never write anything that wasn't ripped off from Dave.
Whenever Dave's mouth closes, a guitar solo immediately begins playing, no matter where he may be or what he might be doing.
After penning the line "I just can't die dead enough", Dave went to make sure he could still kill dead enough. He could.
Dave Mustaine's one great failure is that he cannot rape a woman; they all give consent immediately and unconditionally.
Dave Mustaine has two speeds: Walk and shred.
The song title "99 Ways to Die" is a misnomer. Dave Mustaine actually performed research on this and is currently still discovering ways to die, or in his case, ways to kill.
"A Tout Le Monde" was written from the perspective of all the people who realized Dave Mustaine was about to kill them.
The aliens stored in Hangar 18 are actually the result of Dave Mustaine pummeling ordinary peoples' very DNA.
Whenever Dave Mustaine fights, it's a holy war, because Dave Mustaine is a god.
Dave Mustaine invented the guitar riff simply so he could demonstrate his mastery of it.
Mustaine is the only known survivor of AIDS because God is afraid of him coming to heaven.
He got AIDS by having sex with every college girl in the US within 2 days.
Dave Mustaine doesn't actually touch the Earth when walking. It is too afraid of him so it hovers below his awesomeness.
Dave Mustaine is a master of all five magics, in addition to approximately four hundred eighty six thousand, three hundred twelve he invented on his own.
Dave Mustaine brings the slaughter to your daughter.
Dave Mustaine invented justice so it could become corrupted and he'd get to write "Kick the Chair."
"Mechanix" actually is about a car repairman. There's no innuendo in the song.
Dave Mustaine only uses a parachute when skydiving because he doesn't want to hurt the Earth.
Dave Mustaine's business was the influence for the entire Mafia.
The molten core at the center of the earth consists of Dave's boiling semen from all the times he raped the planet.
Dave Mustaine ended the last Ice Age by setting the world afire.
Dave Mustaine sweats bullets and then hurls them through peoples' jugulars.
Dave Mustaine blackmailed the universe into writing its phone number on a bathroom wall in Norway, and then kicked the universe's ass anyway.
The name of the song "Tornado of Souls" is also the name for weather inside Dave Mustaine's lungs.
Dave Mustaine went back in time to find more people to beat up. While there, he wrote "Take No Prisoners." An Iranian student misread this, and thus, the Iran hostage crisis was born.
Contrary to popular belief, when John Steinbeck wrote Of Mice and Men, the inspiration for his title came from Dave Mustaine, not Robert Burns.
Dave Mustaine needs no call to end it all--a girl knows when it's all over when her limbs are no longer connected to her body.
When writing the lyrics to "Anarchy in the U.K.", Johnny Rotten got them wrong, so Dave Mustaine had to come in and correct them.
All music not made by Dave Mustaine is only the result of his snoring at night.
Dave Mustaine refuses to play "Good Mourning/Black Friday" not because of religious convictions, but because of an unforseeable burst of sympathy: He worried that so much awesomeness compressed into a single live rendition of a song would cause his audience's heads to explode.
Dave Mustaine can impregnate a girl just by playing his guitar suggestively.
Dave Mustaine knows the meaning of the word "fear." He just never experiences it personally.
Dave Mustaine is physically incapable of taking prisoners or ****.
Dave Mustaine built a wonderful skyscraper based on the principles of architecture of aggression, then he beat it into twisted scraps for looking at him funny.
Earthquakes are just aftershocks of Dave Mustaine's headbangs.
Dave Mustaine is the 100th way to die.
The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch was proven to be marginally less effective than a guitar solo from Dave Mustaine when the deadly rabbit was slain by a snarling rendition of "Chosen Ones."
"Rust in Peace...Polaris" is, in actuality, simply a vivid description of a particularly violent orgasm Dave Mustaine had one night.
When Dave Mustaine wrote Crown of Worms, he was not really writing about the Bible, but simply about placing the world on his head as a fancy hat.
The reason Dave Mustaine ain't superstitious is that he knows that all paranormal occurances in the world are caused by his badassitude.
Dave Mustaine's testicles are so large that he was obliged to put them in orbit--around another planet. They are known now as Phobos and Deimos, so named because of the fear and panic they spread.
Thrash metal was so named because Dave Mustaine would thrash people over the head with his guitar whenever they didn't give appropriate respect to him at a concert, wich was always. Nowadays he has studio musicians to do it for him.
The song "Rattlehead" is a depiction of how Dave Mustaine treats people he loves very, very much. It is impossible to describe how he treats the people he hates.
All scientists are incorrect about how the universe will end. The universe will end when Dave finishes his lifelong project of kicking the ass of every particle in existence personally.
Suicide was invented so people wouldn't have to endure Dave Mustaine's methods of killology.
The microphone was truly invented to micro-size Dave Mustaine's voice, so he wouldn't shatter the world with lyrics.
Dave Mustaine wouldn't need seven days to create the universe, although admittedly he wouldn't create one at all, per se: he'd simply create miniverses and obliterate them constantly just to show reality who was boss.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will be Dave Mustaine, Dave Mustaine, Dave Mustaine, and Dave Mustaine.
Not only did Dave Mustaine write all the good riffs Metallica used, he wrote all good riffs ever used by anyone, anywhere, any time. He also wrote a good portion of the bad riffs just so he could have musicians to beat up.
Metallica is really an amalgamation of Dave Mustaine's ugliest groupies, who were inexplicably blessed with moderate musical talent when Dave denied them sex.
The reason the earth spins is from the momentum imbued upon it by Dave punching people.
The Great Depression ended when Dave decided that business was good.
The Spanish Inquisition originally intended to furiously demand whether someone listened to Megadeth or not before realizing that they'd have to come up with much more painful tortures for those who didn't.
AND THAT'S JUST THE BEGGINING
The Cold War was choreographed to Dave Mustaine's music, not vice versa.
Dave Mustaine kicked Metallica out of himself because they weren't drugged-up enough.
Dave Mustaine's veins are filled with heroin instead of blood.
Dave Mustaine is the only born-again Christian in the world that is more hardcore than God.
Dave Mustaine not only invented death, but the subsequent upgrades deth and megadeth.
Dave Mustaine is the only constant member of Megadeth because prolonged exposure to his awesomeness produces near-fatal side effects in other, lesser beings.
Contrary to what one might infer from the lyrics of his songs, Dave Mustaine has never broken up with a girl. Dave Mustaine breaks up girls into tiny, tiny, bloody pieces.
Dave Mustaine actually bought peace, only to destroy it so he'd have more wars to write about.
Nuclear was has been abandoned in favor of bombing people with copies of Rust in Peace, which is now widely considered to be far more deadly.
Dave Mustaine was able to impregnate Eddie the Head; the result was Vic.
Dave Mustaine actually wrote the entirety of Metallica's first three albums, which were recorded by Metallica after Lars Ulrich fished them out of Mustaine's trash can.
Contrary to popular belief, Cliff Burton was not crushed by a tour bus. He was crushed from a distance by Dave Mustaine's residual awesomeness.
Dave Mustaine never contradicts himself. He changes history to fit with his latest version of it.
Dave Mustaine was once named the patron saint of anger for his implacable rage. Upon hearing this, he beat up every member of heaven, every member of hell, and every person on earth before storming off to other planets to see if he could find anyone else to beat up.
Dave Mustaine wrote "Countdown to Extinction" after murdering every animal on earth with his bare hands--he changed the story to canned hunts so everyone could understant how easy it had been for him.
Dave Mustaine considered studying classical music and composition for years for the writing of "Symphony of Destruction," but decided that it would be easier to simply become a dictator himself and record the ensuing carnage.
Marvel Comics was inspired to create Dethlok upon hearing "Psychotron."
Marty Friedman got his last name as Mustaine's playing was and is hotter than his, hence frying the man.
Immediately after "Shadow of Deth" was released, God threw up his hands and admitted "I should've just let Dave write the whole Bible. What was I thinking?"
Nuclear weapons were invented not to win World War II, but to give Dave Mustaine something to write about.
After Megadeth played their version of "Paranoid" at Ozzfest, Ozzy said he didn't like it because he was too ashamed to admit that Dave did it better.
Dave Mustaine invented drugs in 1834 so Metallica could have a source for all the material they didn't rip off from Dave, and also so he could do drugs. Little did he know that Metallica would never write anything that wasn't ripped off from Dave.
Whenever Dave's mouth closes, a guitar solo immediately begins playing, no matter where he may be or what he might be doing.
After penning the line "I just can't die dead enough", Dave went to make sure he could still kill dead enough. He could.
Dave Mustaine's one great failure is that he cannot rape a woman; they all give consent immediately and unconditionally.
Dave Mustaine has two speeds: Walk and shred.
The song title "99 Ways to Die" is a misnomer. Dave Mustaine actually performed research on this and is currently still discovering ways to die, or in his case, ways to kill.
"A Tout Le Monde" was written from the perspective of all the people who realized Dave Mustaine was about to kill them.
The aliens stored in Hangar 18 are actually the result of Dave Mustaine pummeling ordinary peoples' very DNA.
Whenever Dave Mustaine fights, it's a holy war, because Dave Mustaine is a god.
Dave Mustaine invented the guitar riff simply so he could demonstrate his mastery of it.
Mustaine is the only known survivor of AIDS because God is afraid of him coming to heaven.
He got AIDS by having sex with every college girl in the US within 2 days.
Dave Mustaine doesn't actually touch the Earth when walking. It is too afraid of him so it hovers below his awesomeness.
Dave Mustaine is a master of all five magics, in addition to approximately four hundred eighty six thousand, three hundred twelve he invented on his own.
Dave Mustaine brings the slaughter to your daughter.
Dave Mustaine invented justice so it could become corrupted and he'd get to write "Kick the Chair."
"Mechanix" actually is about a car repairman. There's no innuendo in the song.
Dave Mustaine only uses a parachute when skydiving because he doesn't want to hurt the Earth.
Dave Mustaine's business was the influence for the entire Mafia.
The molten core at the center of the earth consists of Dave's boiling semen from all the times he raped the planet.
Dave Mustaine ended the last Ice Age by setting the world afire.
Dave Mustaine sweats bullets and then hurls them through peoples' jugulars.
Dave Mustaine blackmailed the universe into writing its phone number on a bathroom wall in Norway, and then kicked the universe's ass anyway.
The name of the song "Tornado of Souls" is also the name for weather inside Dave Mustaine's lungs.
Dave Mustaine went back in time to find more people to beat up. While there, he wrote "Take No Prisoners." An Iranian student misread this, and thus, the Iran hostage crisis was born.
Contrary to popular belief, when John Steinbeck wrote Of Mice and Men, the inspiration for his title came from Dave Mustaine, not Robert Burns.
Dave Mustaine needs no call to end it all--a girl knows when it's all over when her limbs are no longer connected to her body.
When writing the lyrics to "Anarchy in the U.K.", Johnny Rotten got them wrong, so Dave Mustaine had to come in and correct them.
All music not made by Dave Mustaine is only the result of his snoring at night.
Dave Mustaine refuses to play "Good Mourning/Black Friday" not because of religious convictions, but because of an unforseeable burst of sympathy: He worried that so much awesomeness compressed into a single live rendition of a song would cause his audience's heads to explode.
Dave Mustaine can impregnate a girl just by playing his guitar suggestively.
Dave Mustaine knows the meaning of the word "fear." He just never experiences it personally.
Dave Mustaine is physically incapable of taking prisoners or ****.
Dave Mustaine built a wonderful skyscraper based on the principles of architecture of aggression, then he beat it into twisted scraps for looking at him funny.
Earthquakes are just aftershocks of Dave Mustaine's headbangs.
Dave Mustaine is the 100th way to die.
The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch was proven to be marginally less effective than a guitar solo from Dave Mustaine when the deadly rabbit was slain by a snarling rendition of "Chosen Ones."
"Rust in Peace...Polaris" is, in actuality, simply a vivid description of a particularly violent orgasm Dave Mustaine had one night.
When Dave Mustaine wrote Crown of Worms, he was not really writing about the Bible, but simply about placing the world on his head as a fancy hat.
The reason Dave Mustaine ain't superstitious is that he knows that all paranormal occurances in the world are caused by his badassitude.
Dave Mustaine's testicles are so large that he was obliged to put them in orbit--around another planet. They are known now as Phobos and Deimos, so named because of the fear and panic they spread.
Thrash metal was so named because Dave Mustaine would thrash people over the head with his guitar whenever they didn't give appropriate respect to him at a concert, wich was always. Nowadays he has studio musicians to do it for him.
The song "Rattlehead" is a depiction of how Dave Mustaine treats people he loves very, very much. It is impossible to describe how he treats the people he hates.
All scientists are incorrect about how the universe will end. The universe will end when Dave finishes his lifelong project of kicking the ass of every particle in existence personally.
Suicide was invented so people wouldn't have to endure Dave Mustaine's methods of killology.
The microphone was truly invented to micro-size Dave Mustaine's voice, so he wouldn't shatter the world with lyrics.
Dave Mustaine wouldn't need seven days to create the universe, although admittedly he wouldn't create one at all, per se: he'd simply create miniverses and obliterate them constantly just to show reality who was boss.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will be Dave Mustaine, Dave Mustaine, Dave Mustaine, and Dave Mustaine.
Not only did Dave Mustaine write all the good riffs Metallica used, he wrote all good riffs ever used by anyone, anywhere, any time. He also wrote a good portion of the bad riffs just so he could have musicians to beat up.
Metallica is really an amalgamation of Dave Mustaine's ugliest groupies, who were inexplicably blessed with moderate musical talent when Dave denied them sex.
The reason the earth spins is from the momentum imbued upon it by Dave punching people.
The Great Depression ended when Dave decided that business was good.
The Spanish Inquisition originally intended to furiously demand whether someone listened to Megadeth or not before realizing that they'd have to come up with much more painful tortures for those who didn't.
AND THAT'S JUST THE BEGGINING